The Secret Shore by Liz Fenwick

Author:Liz Fenwick [Fenwick, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2023-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

25

4 June 1942

The eleven thirty evening train from Paddington was crowded and the journey endless. It was now almost noon and I’d managed something akin to sleep, but as I walked out of the station at Penzance, I didn’t feel rested at all. The whole journey down I thought about the meeting on Monday. Invasion. It was the only way, but it wouldn’t and couldn’t happen this year; favourable conditions had passed. Also, by the time plans would be finalised, it would be winter. Next spring or summer was possible, but would everything be ready? The level of organisation required would be astounding.

Commander Holdsworth, who had had a meeting in Newlyn, was leaning against the car as I walked out of the station. St Michael’s Mount basked like a lizard on a rock in the June sunshine. Like London, the weather was fine, but the sea breeze kept the temperatures comfortable.

‘Welcome back,’ he said, straightening.

‘It’s good to be here.’ I smiled. The sky was clear and the air fresh. I took a few deep gulps and climbed into the passenger seat. We drove off, following the coast road to the fishing harbour a few miles away. On a day like today, it would be easy to forget we were at war, but then the defences on the beach and the minesweepers in the harbour destroyed the illusion of a peacetime summer’s day.

The commander parked the car and said, ‘I’ll be an hour.’

I nodded and watched him head to the harbour master’s to obtain his pass. Walking along the old cottages, which housed the Belgian and the French refugees, I noted a group of French women cleaning their cottages, and I knew Maman was made of the same resilient stock. These women had made these derelict cottages shine.

‘Bonjour, madame,’ a woman said.

‘Bonjour, madame,’ I replied then turned to the harbour. The tide was coming in and the air reeked of mud and fish. In the distance I heard children playing. Life was going on but, in this moment, I didn’t feel a part of it. I walked above or below but not in it. Things moved past me without touching me. It was the barrier I had placed around myself so that I wouldn’t feel the pain nor the love. That was the trade-off for my career. Now glimpses of the disturbed dream from last night flashed in my mind. It was of being below the surface of the water, not swimming, not breathing, not living. I woke gasping and reaching out, but there was nothing to hold on to.

I bent to smell a rose blooming on a garden wall. Sweet and spicy at the same time. There were moments of joy like this, and I must hold them. Entirely cutting myself off from life benefited no one, especially me.

Commander Holdsworth was not back when I reached the vehicle. I leaned against it, enjoying the heat of the afternoon sun. Closing my eyes, I listened to the sounds of the men speaking on the harbour wall.

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